Japan Man

When I first started playing Final Fantasy Tactics in high school, I had a girlfriend with a very cute face and large breasts. I used to make her watch me play Final Fantasy Tactics which was probably like Chinese water torture for her because Tactics is a strategy game that moves at a snails pace. How did I make this very cute chick stomach the sight of me ACTIVELY paying no attention to her whatsoever? Because I named my female samurai after her and used her a lot when she was there (later on I let this same samurai die during an epic battle) If you want your girl to stop complaining about Halo, Madden, Xenosaga, or any other game you are playing, create a character in the game using her name. force that bitch to play games with you, or buy her a video game she would be interested in,

Before your chick starts even opening her mouth about your gaming habit, say “hey baby, come here, I’ll　teach you how to play this game.” Don’t worry, you aren’t doing this to actually play games with her forever or some dovey shit like that. You are basically going to teach her a lesson. You are going to kick her ass in this game so bad that she is going to recognize your dominance over her and all gamingdom. Because secretly women think they can beat dudes at video games. It is like a woman’s secret fantasy to kick your ass at video games because chicks think that gaming is silly and childish plus they want revenge for all the times we ignore them while getting our game on. So you have to show her just how cool, just how totally video game buff you are by kicking the shit out of her while she struggles with the controls! The next best thing is to invite your chump friend over and kick HIS ass right in front of her. That will make her think you are a video game god and that your gaming time is special in order for you to be her dominant man. She’ll stop complaining and harassing you over night!

Another way to shut her up is to take her video game shopping. I took one of my ex-girls to Den Den Town and bought her Fahrenheit, otherwise known as The Indigo Prophecy. She really sucked at playing it but she let me finish it off for her while she watched it (it is great when chicks can’t play video games because you get to play for her if she messes up) She really enjoyed Fahrenheit because it had a great mystery/suspense story. Chicks dig killer stories and scary games. Metal Gear Solid, Silent Hill, and Resident Evil are all game series that you can use to introduce your chick to gaming. Don’t introduce your chick to fantasy games unless she is a video game veteran. Final Fantasy and Star Ocean are way to fantastic for the average chick whose brain can’t process that type of creativity. When you are cool and manly enough to make extra game time specifically for your girl, she won’t care how much you ignore her while you play Fallout 3. She’ll be too busy cooking up some nice food in the kitchen thinking about how awesome you are.

Make sure that you are very careful when you force your girl to like games because your methods could backfire on you. One of my ex girls was so good at Street Fighter II that she beat the fuck out of me every match we played. I didn’t even win one match…..Basically I was pissed so the next day I took her to Blockbuster and rented Tekken 3 along with Marvel Vs. Capcom 2. When we returned to my apartment, I proceeded to kick her ass in both of these games for at least 3 hours straight. I had to do that in order to display my dominance over her. If you are going to destroy your girl in games, make sure you pick Virtua Fighter because even if you know the moves, you have no chance of winning against a veteran. Street Fighter, Tekken, the horrible Dragonball Sparking games, and Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 allow button mashers and turtles to win games, but a quick skim of the Virtua Fighter handbook and knowledge of the controls will help you kick the shit out of any novice. So be a man, force your girl to like games, and shut her silly ass up for good.